Tips to Creating a Lasting Relationship with Your Child by Heidi Peterson Dutson

Mary Christa Smith
So Hello, and welcome to our part two of the social development strategy Series. I love this slide by Heidi Peterson, the power of a protective factor. And this is really a wonderful webinar. We’re so excited to be able to share with you all today, whether you’re here with us in person or viewing it online later, you’re going to find it’s a wonderful, practical, inspiring webinar on how we can implement the social development strategy in our work in our communities very directly. And it’s really with a lot of gratitude that I’m happy to introduce Heidi Peterson, Dutson to you new last name, who is a friend and colleague of mine She is currently employed is the administrator and regional director for the Utah division of substance abuse and mental health. And formerly Heidi oversaw prevention efforts through the coordination of a Communities That Care Coalition into Willa city, which is like the gold standard of Communities That Care Coalition’s, and she helped to advise the parents empowered under age drinking prevention work group. And so it’s really with a lot of gratitude that I introduce Heidi Peterson to you so that she can share her expertise in the social development strategy. So thank you for being here, Heidi.

Heidi Peterson Dutson
Thank you, Mary. Krista, it’s my pleasure. And thanks for all your behind the scenes efforts as well as yours, Heather. And in getting this up and going, we will just throw it out there. It’s spring break. So I know that we have maybe several people that are off recreating and enjoying time with their families, probably using the social development strategy in some way or another. So we’ll say that they’re out there doing the lab work, and certainly welcome other people as they come. So I’m really excited about today’s webinar. I’ve given a presentation and trainings on the social development strategy several times. But we had a part two here for this webinar that allows me to dig in a little bit deeper. And my intention with this webinar today is to provide us a time that we can kind of take a deeper look at the social development strategy, and really look as it at it as a tool for problem solving, whether that be in the school domain with a specific, maybe coalition problem, or a group that we’re trying to reach, and, or even in our homes. And it looks like we have a few more people joining us. So welcome. I see some familiar names and faces. So that’s awesome. I wanted to start here with this lag, never underestimate the power of a protective factor. And all of us that are familiar with prevention science, we understand those risk factors, there are associations. And we also know that it can take a lot of time to plug in what we know works best to reduce that risk. And those are, it’s important that we have patience with that process, that we have fidelity to that process, and that we go through that with our communities. What I love about the social development strategy is that it can pay off dividends, the moment we use it, as well as way into the future. And if you were all able to see that first webinar that we did, we explored that a little bit and talked about a story there where there was immediate advantage, and there was continual payoffs in that way down the road. So I love that about the social development strategy. As we’re all getting comfortable here, I would like you to just let me know in the chat, just do some thinking, some reflecting about your own life, about who helped you make it. Who was it in your life, that was a good example for you that provided some opportunities for you. Maybe it was some specific skills that they taught you. Maybe their eyes lit up whenever you walked in the room and they made time to make you feel like you were the only person that they cared about in that specific moment in time. So if you would go ahead and start listing some people in that chat box. You don’t have to mention names. It might be a specific. Thank you Lynn, you said my Parents soccer coach from Heather, parents and local church leaders, I owe them my life and Mike success in a big way. Thank you, Kevin. That’s, that’s definitely saying a lot from from Mary Krista, my choir teacher, Ms. Hewlett, she had very clear standards and held me to what she expected the best from each student’s super. I love reflecting on that in in my own life. And, you know, I know that as I look back, I would certainly mentioned my parents, but it was also the parents of many of my friends that actually took that time to have a relationship with me to be involved in my day to day life. And I knew that they had standards and expectations for me as well. And that if I violated those, I wouldn’t just be disappointing my own parents, but kind of an army out there of adults that were invested and cared about me. And Lynn’s mentioned her fourth grade teacher. And from Charlie, we’ve got my mom, my grandma, fourth grade teacher, science teacher in high school and next door neighbor. That’s so awesome. So as we go throughout this webinar, I want you to kind of keep that rolling in the back of your mind, what did they do specifically? Maybe as we talked about some different examples or some different elements of the social development strategies, there might be a little bit of a lightbulb moment? And then of course, we want to also attach to that, what can we learn from that, in your observations of who helped you make it or in other people’s stories of who helped them along the way, combined with this knowledge of the science behind the social development strategy? How can we be more proactive, and using what we know, to do our prevention planning? See if I can advance my slide. Okay, so little bit of a review. Um, I know several of you on here. Now, the Social Development Strategy really well. So a big shout out and recognition to the first person that in the chatbox can put at least five elements of the social development strategy in there. Ready, go. This is just meant to be a quick review. If you only remember one or two elements, go ahead and put those in there too. But I’m just curious who on here can can name at least five elements of the social development strategy? All right, Kevin, way to go looks like you’re our winner. Okay, he’s included several there opportunities, recognition, clear standards funding. Wait, that’s just for anybody think of another one. Okay, skills, there we go well, together, we got five. That’s, that’s awesome. So let’s go ahead and pull the model up. And take a look at it. Good job, Kevin, you got it. Argan wealth, love it. So here is the social development strategy. So just for really quick review, we want to keep in mind, our goal, you know, we, we want to always begin with the end in mind. And these are those over arching healthy behaviors. This is everything that we want our kids to grow up to be responsible to have a feeling of self efficacy and responsibility to be driven. And these things certainly include an avoidance of drugs and alcohol, which can, you know, really negatively impact all of those goals and dreams that we have for them, and that they have for themselves. The next part is to have super clear standards, about healthy beliefs. And we always want to emphasize on on that, that it’s important that we are really, really clear about that. As I was preparing these slides, I thought of another humorous example, where my parenting did not quite meet the clear standard on that. For my youngest son when he was about three years old, he came in one day, and he had fallen, and he had cut his middle finger. And so he came in with his middle finger, straight up all his other fingers down and I’m not gonna flip you all up. But you can imagine how kind of funny that looked as a three year old came in crying with with his finger like that. So he came in, I comforted him, and I just told him, you know, you don’t ever want to hold up just that finger because that’s what people do when they’re really mad. And that’s all I told him because he was three years Old. And I thought that’s probably all the explanation that he needed. Well, fast forward years down the road and this child is in seventh grade. He’s sitting in band class, and they are having an audition for a solo part, and he has a classmate next to him. That’s really giving him a hard time about auditioning, being maybe even a little bit bullying, kind of putting him down and telling him He won’t ever get that part. Well, my son knew that he was really mad. So very quietly on his lap, he put his middle finger out, and ended up in the principal’s office that day, and I got a phone call this was very uncharacteristic of him. But when we got home, and we were debriefing the whole situation, he says, well, Mom, I remembered you told me that’s what people do when they’re really mad. So that one was on me. And I hadn’t been very clear in in that standard. So again, when we’re not clear, those things tend to come back and bite us. So really important, whatever that healthy standard is, that we make that clear. And so that means sometimes we have to check for that understanding. Where we have clear standards, we also know that if there is a sense of bonding, that our children are more likely to adhere to those clear standards. And that can be whether that’s coming from parents, school, teachers, principals, community leaders, wherever that happens, then I love about this research that it doesn’t stop there. Dr. Hawkins and katalon lahner went deeper into this and said, Okay, what is it that creates that sense of bonding, and that’s kind of where we have those magic three steps, that anytime we can provide an opportunity to learn a skill, and then give proper and appropriate recognition for that we are creating a sense of of bonding, I want all of you to think back on that person that you mentioned just a few minutes ago about who helped you make it? Can you think of a time where they had an opportunity to actually teach you a skill? I think we heard that there was a soccer coach mentioned. So I’m sure that there were some skills taught in that. But does anybody have any other ideas on that, sometimes it takes us a little bit of time to think on that. And then to recognize what the what those words, and sometimes it’s really subtle. I know I mentioned my friend’s parents. And you know, I can’t remember any time where like, she taught me to hit a ball with a bat, or even taught me to make a loaf of bread. But what I do know is every time I was over there with her daughter, she would stay up late with us, and talk to us about all kinds of things. And we had all kinds of questions, whether that be about boys or life or whatever. And she taught us a lot. And not just directly about what to do in certain situations, but in her attitude and her optimism for the way that she approached life. So just be thinking about those and feel free to enter those at any time during this webinar, if you have an aha moment about an opportunity, because maybe those are things that we can apply in our own domains. For those of you out there that are visual learners like I am, I love this depiction of the social development strategy. This idea of healthy behaviors are the healthy fruits right there there. What happens when we have a good healthy tree, and then recognizing that the social development strategy can be applied in several different domains. Here, we’ve got those four main ones listed within our community and family school within that peer and individual group. Kind of interesting to note there that you know, a child starts out usually just within that family domain. And then as that child grows, those opportunities for exposure to this grows as does their opportunity for exposure to risk. So it’s really important that that we look at it through that angle that the our children are in environments, where even though there may be risks, we want to make sure that it’s buffered against with some protection. Then we’ve got the healthy beliefs and clear standards. They’re kind of tied down and secured and securing our tree there. So it grows up straight and tall bonding being that trunk of the tree, and then those roots deep into that soil that represents individual characteristics of again, those three skills and opportunity. Have these skills and recognition. Okay, so now really quick, you’ve had a chance to look at that, who now can put in at least five elements of the social development strategy, I want to give you just a few seconds to give yourself a quick quiz and review and see who can do that. Ready, go. Kevin, I’m expecting you to be first. Lin, good job. Opportunities, skills, recognitions, bonding, clear standards. mackell. Great. Good job. Okay, just a good review. And we’re gonna switch gears now that we’ve had that review. And again, we’re I think the social development strategy can really come in helpful and something I’ve learned in my prevention work, as well as a mom and a friend, somebody that I’ve helped other people in their parenting is when we’re approached with a problem or presented with a problem. And I want to challenge all of you to just do some thinking today, like, okay, here’s our problem. And is there a way that implementing the social development strategy can help us find a solution? Now, last time, in our last webinar, I talked about that sticky as fun story with my son. And that was an example of a way that that social development strategy just kind of happened because somebody had a good idea. It wasn’t intentional, my dad that used that with my son did not have the social development, strategy training. But all of the elements were there. And there’s lots of examples that we all could probably think about that think of in our own lives and in our own communities where it happens kind of organically. But what knowing the science of the social development strategy allows us to do is to be more proactive in our planning, when we see a problem, let’s plug in the social development strategy. And we can better plan for better results that way instead of reacting. Okay, so consider this. And I would love that the all of you whether it be on a scratch paper, if you want to put it here on the chat, you can think of a problem, maybe it’s in your coalition. Maybe it’s a problem that you’re having, you know, what the child that you’re raising, or have influenced on, maybe it is a problem within the school domain that you see with your prevention work. And, and let’s just do some brainstorming here on what some possible solutions could be. Okay, so when you think of your problem, let’s stop and ask what opportunity do I see about that specific problem? What skill might be taught? And how can I recognize a job well done. Okay, so first, we’re going to talk about the home domain here. So I brought this picture back some of you will remember this sticky is fun story about my young son Brock here that hated to be sticky, to the point that he would have these 30 minute tantrums anytime anything sticky got on him. And this was his grandpa’s immersion therapy. It involved the social development development strategy, and he didn’t even know it. He took him out on a little field trip to a local hot springs and on the way they stopped and got every sticky thing they could imagine. And my dad taught him by modeling it for himself. That’s my dad dumped Hershey syrup and root beer and catch up on himself that sticky could actually be fun. And this has become kind of a mantra of this young boy’s life and even in adulthood, he is married and has a baby of his own now, and he kind of uses this as a mantra for his life that life can be sticky, and sticky can actually be fun. So Kevin, it seems like maybe sounds like you need to adopt this monster too sticky can be fun. I can connect you with my son. And maybe you can do some of this immersion. You can try it I don’t know. Anyway, so So here was an application again, that happened organically, but ended up impacting him then, because immediately the next week after he got sticky again, you could see him taking a deep breath. And just saying sticky is fun, sticky is fun, I can do this. And even clear to this day, 1617 years later, he is still applying this life lesson. So when we think of the social development strategy, and we’ve got a point there where we know healthy beliefs and clear standards are important. And we also know that a sense of bonding is important. I want to kind of throw out this question and ask all of you, Which do you think is more important? The Healthy beliefs and clear standards? Or bonding? Go ahead, Everybody put your answers in the chat. What is most important out of the two, and I put this picture on here because maybe this is a little bit like which came first the chicken or the egg, which comes first? And all of that. Okay, Kevin and Alaina. Both said bonding. bonding from Charlie. Okay, good point, Kevin. Would one of you like to actually come off mute and tell me why you selected bonding? Kevin, do you want to expound on that a little bit? or anybody else? Is that you, Kevin? I could hear someone clearing their throat. 

Alyn Mitchell
Oh, sorry. That was me.

Heidi Peterson Dutson
Hi, yeah, no, tell me why you put on me? 

Alyn Mitchell
Well, I just I just know that, that it’s the trust isn’t there and the relationship isn’t there, then it’s a lot harder to teach someone. It’s like my mother always used to say, people don’t care what you know, until they know that you care. And I love that. And so just that bonding aspect, develops that trust in that relationship. And then that is a seedbed for teaching and for wanting them wanting to know what you know, and then wanting to emulate your behaviors, because you have that bond with them. And that trust in that relationship. So I would say bonding is probably if you had to choose. 

Heidi Peterson Dutson
There would be warm fuzzies at these meetings to the point that parents would often cry. And I always loved this in city council meetings, when there were really maybe contentious things on the agenda or people, things people had come to really speak out and make a ruckus about. Because these marriage youth awards always soften the tone of that meeting. So by the time that they discussed those things, I honestly believe they weren’t as contentious as they might have been, because of these awards. And because they involve the mayor and the police chief all are there to shake these kids hands, give them some recognition. And they’re recognized and feel bill important by these members of the community. And it created great buy in from these key leaders in the prevention effort, a way that they were seeing what was being done and recognizing the good youth in their community at least twice monthly. And to throw this picture in because this is now how to elicit he is doing mayor’s youth recognition awards. That is Mayor Debbie when and of course masks on and and one at a time. But it’s great to see that that tradition has continued to go on even throughout the pandemic. The last project that I want to highlight here is one that I just love. And I think we’ve got Robin hatch here on the call, I told her I was going to brag on this project a little bit in northeastern Utah, a way that they have implemented the social development strategy. And let’s go back to kind of what we were talking about today about how we can use that to address a problem. And I love this one because it addresses two different problems. One, you have a senior citizen population that’s feeling alone and isolated and sometimes feeling with their kids and maybe grandkids living far away. That maybe they feel like they don’t have a purpose as much and they’re needing meaningful involvement and many times they have a wealth of years and experience that they want to share and not always the opportunities to do that. Well you couple that with a need within schools, for kids that are struggling, learning to read, or are needing an extra layer of protection, another protective adult in their life. And Robin was able to team up with the foster grandparents in her area. And we were able to train a whole big group of parents of grandparents, these foster grandparents and the social development strategy. Then these grandparents are paired with students in the classroom. And a relationship is formed there and I’ve loved some of the stories Robin has told me about how these Foster Grandparents see the kids that they help in the grocery store and in the park. And they refer to them as their gramma Helen or their so and so and there is a connection there that is long lasting. So you can see how that works there for both ways. And by the way, even in COVID times, this has continued, and Robin has been able to loan out iPads to these senior citizens. So there’s another skill that they’re learning, it’s just how to operate an iPad. And they’re able to still connect with those students, as well as use those iPads to reach out to their own children and grandchildren and to stay connected to reduce some of that isolation. Can you see the great payoff there with, with how the social development strategy was implemented, I have to say, this was probably my funnest group of people I have ever trained in a social development strategy. And it was because they had a lifelong of experience of it either being used towards them or them doing that. And when it came to proactively planning ways to help these kids, they were all super lit up about it. Robin, I think you’re on here, would you like to add anything about this project that I may have missed?

Robin
Well, I can add that. Right after they got trained, it seemed like COVID was just right around the corner. And these grandparents had to stop doing this, they were told that they can’t go into the schools. And we actually found out that a couple of them had made arrangements with the parents of these kids. And were sneaking over to the houses to read. They were reading over the telephone at get the same book to the kid. And then so they can see the pictures and they tend to turn the page. So just just letting you know that if you have these groups, or most most communities do have these Foster Grandparents, that this is an amazing resource to tap into.

Heidi Peterson Dutson
Thanks, Robin. And then going out of their way like that, to make those arrangements to do that calling by sneaking to their houses, or to call them on the phone, which was maybe a little more COVID safe. assert certainly indicated that it was meeting a need there for these Foster Grandparents as well as for those youth. So thank you, Robin, I love all the payoffs in from plugging in the social development strategy. So again, I’ve changed this first question a little bit, we went from what opportunity do I see to address this problem? To what opportunity do I see maybe even in spite of the problem? And then maybe we can expand this to say, what opportunity do I see because of multiple problems, like in this case, we had Foster Grandparents that were feeling isolated and needing needing a gap filled as well as a population of students that were needing some support and, and layers of protection. They’re, what skill can be taught, and how can I recognize a job well done. So now it’s your turn to try. We have just a couple minutes left and anybody have a problem either like within your coalition or community level? Something like that, that any lightbulb moments, let’s maybe go there before we go to questions. Anybody wants to share? No, sometimes it can take a little bit of brainstorming there. How about questions? Does anybody have any questions about something that we’ve talked about today? Hey, if there aren’t questions, I’m going to go ahead. And yet don’t be shy, everybody. I’ll stick around. If anybody wants to stay in chat, you’re welcome to and if not, I am going to turn this right back to Mary Krista. But thank you, everybody for taking the time to be here today.

Mary Christa Smith
Thanks, Heidi. I wanted to just circle back to Charlie’s question about how can you help a child who lives in two different households that have polar opposite standards?

Heidi Peterson Dutson
That’s really tricky, isn’t it? You know, I think the first thing I I’d say is if there is a evidence based parenting program going on in your community, if there’s any way you can get those Parents into that same classroom, I had the opportunity to teach guiding the choices for several years and on on more than one occasion, a handful occasions. I know it’s not often that that parents that are divorced, like to do these kinds of things together. But we had that happen. And we actually had one couple that disagreed on their child drinking alcohol, the dad was all for no, on a special occasion, like New Year’s Eve, I really don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s tradition. And then once they learned the science of how alcohol can affect the brain, along with how important it was that both parents were on the same page, they they actually came to an agreement and the dad agreed to a no alcohol until you’re 21 kind of rule. So it was really cool to kind to see that happen, where that’s not possible, I would just encourage parents to do the best they can. That’s that really is all that we can do to enhance those relationships have clear rules for our domain, and then provide that child other opportunities. You know, whether that’s through a piano teacher or a soccer coach, or, or being extra aware of the relationships that that child has at school, the more layers of protection that are, are there can be extra strengthening. Other questions?

Mary Christa Smith
We have another question. I think it’s Michael, would you like to unmute yourself and ask your question.

Michael
It’s more of a comment. And Heidi, thank you so much for this presentation. It’s just such a good refresher. And it’s it’s fun to talk about it and see familiar faces. But just to comment on that last one. I do feel like people also miss opportunities to talk about the why when they are talking about clear standards. And I feel like when I was it when I was a teenager, often pentacle, would you say this is the standard, it’s important that you follow it. And they would never follow up with the why and, and the reason for those healthy behaviors and those healthy standards. And I feel like in situations because I grew up, I actually grew up in a home like that, where my mom was very lacks, on her standards for alcohol drinking. And my dad was it was opposite in this situation than the one that Heidi said that. And I feel like I was given an opportunity to learn more about it, and make the choice on my own. And even though my parents disagreed, I still was able to kind of choose it for myself. And people taught me to sound like, this is why this is why I have this standard. And my mom said, This is why I had the standard. And I looked researched out on my own. And then I came up with my own standard. And I, I’ve I went along my dad’s side instead. So I feel like it’s also giving the opportunity to the youth to make that decision for themselves.

Heidi Peterson Dutson
Yeah, I love that you bring that up, McHale and thanks for sharing your personal example, especially and it’s great to hear your voice again, too. I missing you guys in person. But you know, just when you’re talking about the why there there’s something about addressing the why that is bonding in and of itself. Right when, when as a parent or a teacher, we take that time to say, here’s the standard. But here’s the why. And almost always that why involves, you know, because I care about your goals and dreams and your health and happiness, which is basically saying, because I love you. Here’s the standard, right? So kind of intrinsically, there is a bonding when we take time to address the why, which we know is part of, of our secret sauce formula there with the social development strategy. So super great point, Michael, thanks for bringing that up. Great, I love that. I love that. Thank you for sharing. Um, you know, I think this is it. It’s an interesting question. And I don’t have like solid research to say that one is more important than the other. But something I have observed, in my many years of knowing and loving the social development strategy is that usually within parenting partnerships, or maybe even at a school with Team teachers, sometimes you have people that are really good, and really strong minded about leaving, they have super clear rules. And maybe they’re not as good at creating that bonding. And then on the other hand, if you have others that are super good and passionate about bonding, and having that relationship, and maybe sometimes those people do that at a jeopardy of not having clear rules and unhealthy standards. And I may become by this naturally, my dad was really all about the bonding. And my mom was always on him about we need more rules. So I saw this in my own life. And I’ve noticed it and in different parenting partnerships, that, as I’ve observed and taught parenting programs and known of the social development strategy, so it can kind of be this push and pull. But I think the real answer here is that both are absolutely necessary. Because everything you’re saying there about bonding is true if if we only make the rules, and we’re super clear about them and preach day and night about what our rules are, and how right we are. But we don’t have any sense of trust or warmth, in those relationships, rebellion against those rules, it’s very likely and the research is very clear about that. But on the other hand, if we care only about the bonding and nurturing those relationships, and say in a parenting situations that we only care about being our children’s best friend, what is the danger there? Well, then we run the risk of, of the opposite, right of all the love No matter what, so I can do whatever I want. And no worry about the consequences because there is this bond there. So I just challenge all of you to observe that maybe in the dynamics of your own parenting in your own communities, and use this to help people see that both are necessary and we’re all human beings, we probably all tend to be better at one of those than the other and so that’s an opportunity to build our own skills, if we’re really good at bonding, to maybe spend a little more time thinking about how we can set those clear rules and with healthy standards, and, and vice versa, that we can that we can work on that. Okay, wanting to bring the parents empowered campaign into this because something that we talk a lot about what the parents empowered and something our data very clearly shows is that parents really are the number one reason when we polled kids that don’t drink their parents healthy standard, their clear standard about that healthy belief that it’s not safe to drink under age was the number one reason that they chose not to. And interestingly enough, when that answer was a really strong known, those that chose not to drink was 37%, compared to those parents that had more of a soft rule that would maybe indicate that, you know, we’re just going to be a little bit loose about this, we don’t want to get too uptight, we want to keep that relationship strong with our kids. And those kids that chose to not drink under age went clear down to 3%. So again, we can see that really important balance there between having a healthy relationship and having a very clear standards standard. I love this cover, because it denotes that you can see from this image that they’re comfortable, they’re talking, and certainly prevention, about underage drinking, and a whole lot of other things happens when when we are doing that bonding. And so it’s important again, here’s our questions, and maybe some of you have thought of some some problems that you need solutions to. So I want again, to just say stop and ask what opportunity was there because of this problem. For my dad with my young son, right, he he saw that this young child hated to be sticky. Most adults, and I think my usual go to was to remove him from the situation, maybe giving up give them a little bit of time in a quiet place where he could calm himself down, and know that throwing tantrums didn’t reward him with any positive behavior. Well, me repeating that kind of thing wasn’t going to get us a life changing opportunity. Grandpa was the one that saw an opportunity to to teach him some skills in a very literal way, in a very bonding way. And then to recognize for that, do you think we made a big deal at the breakfast table when he had maple syrup and and got on his fingers? And he didn’t throw fit? You bet we did. He got praised up and down for that which reinforced that learning. So important to think, Kate? Is there a skill that can be taught? And then how can we recognize a job well done. A lot of times that verbal praise goes a long way. And it’s all that’s needed. Other times, maybe there’s going to be more of a medal or a plaque are a different way that we can reinforce that. And so within that home domain, too, we can consider that there’s all kinds of opportunities for skills to be taught. And I think sometimes within within that home domain, again, do we ever have this wrestle of like, well, if I teach too much of this, maybe we’re giving away our own kind of pet responsibilities that we don’t want to give up. But acknowledging and trusting that science and the social development strategy tells us that as we give those things up, we’re not only taking things off of our to do list, but we’re actually preventing drug and alcohol use, we’re preventing delinquency. We’re strengthening our children and giving them more resilience. So there’s, there’s hundreds of skills out there. Really, the possibilities are, are endless. I’m seeing some questions come up in that chat, too. If it’s okay, I’m going to go ahead and keep going. And I plan to have some time for questions and answers at the end if they’re specific to your situation. I want to switch gears here a little bit now to the school domain. And let’s think about that as I thought about instances where I have seen the social development strategy. I’m aware of a certain principle here in our community out here and toilet and back when I was doing prevention based programs in the school, every time I went to the school in the morning, the principal was up out front greeting every student, and he had a goal to know every student’s name in his school. And every morning, he would do his best to greet every child by name. Now, where might this fit into the social development strategy? And how might that contribute to a sense of bonding? And how might that make a difference in his school? Does anybody want to comment on that either in the chat box or feel free to go ahead and take yourself off mute? Does anybody think that that’s protective? Why would that matter? I am at a point where I can talk. I mean, obviously, of course, it would warn that students can feel like they’re seen, that helps them feel like they belong, that there are people looking out for them. And that can be a very powerful protective factor. Yeah, great. My principal sees me, he knows my name, I can count on a smile, and a wave from my principal, from whether the child feels important and that they matter, they have a place in that school. So again, maybe, you know, this definitely was something the principal could have found a million other things to do. But I’m sure he realized and recognize that that would make a difference. Do you think that children at his school were more likely to respect the rules of that school? If they were walking in the halls and the rule was not to run or to be loud in the halls, and they saw the principal in the hall? Do you think they’re more likely to respect that rule, because of the time that that principle took in the morning to see them and to acknowledge them by name? And I think intuitively we, we all can understand why that would work. There’s a relationship there. So it’s like, Hey, he’s cool. I’m gonna respect that. I’m a lens got a comment here, I think especially with COVID kids have felt invisible. And knowing that someone cares and knows them personally is especially powerful, then they want to reciprocate that behavior. So true, Elon, I appreciate that we know that kids are feeling more isolated than ever. We all are in these little zoom boxes more than we’ve wanted to be this last year. So to really be seen and recognized, I agree is more important now than ever. So in the last webinar, we also shared the story about Nate six year old Nate and his dribble, I can actually never remember if it’s a dribble or hamster, I use them interchangeably. And I probably shouldn’t. We’re gonna call it a durable today. And how Nate was given the responsibility to care for this classroom pet? Now, I want you guys to think about what the problem was, in that story. Does anybody remember? Because the the problem that the teacher recognized is that Nate was doing poorly in his spelling. He was he was failing academically. And every spelling test, they had his scores were coming in really low. Now notice, like when we were talking a few minutes ago about being proactive with this, and we talked about what is the problem? And what is the potential skill or opportunity to teach a skill that’s kind of been linear. Like with my son, and he was sticky grandpa taught him a skill, but how to handle being sticky. With this one, the problem was that Nate was achieving low scores on his spelling test. Her solution with the social development strategy was to get a classroom pet, and to give Nate responsibility over that pet to give him that opportunity, teach him how to give food and water to that animal, and then to recognize him in front of the class. And to say, hey, class, look, what a great job Nate’s doing taking care of our classroom pet, let’s all give him a standing ovation. Now, does taking care of a class animal, connect logically or linear linearly to his spelling? Not at all, but in the story, needs spelling test, his spelling grade, and his academic performance in her classroom greatly improved. So I think there’s a great lesson in that is the opportunity does not always have to be directly connected to what the problem is that sometimes we can actually meet that person. And I think that is the key here that we’re finding an opportunity that lights that person up. What is an opportunity that this person could be really good that that that they’re really interested in, that meets them in their current skill level and helps them grow a little bit? And what kind of recognition Can I give that would really fit. And when we can find that we can find that we can have positive results in ways that don’t really seem connected? So sometimes that is, what opportunity do I see because of this problem? Or is it in spite of that, that problem? What opportunity fits this child or this person this best? What skill can be taught? And how can I uniquely and personally recognize a job well done? Why don’t you give an example here of something that we did out here in Tula with Communities That Care A few years ago, and, and a problem that we were having, we, we had the evidence based program of second step in, in many of our elementary schools in all of our elementary schools, but something that we noticed is that some of the teachers were not very bought into the curriculum. And any of you that have worked in school prevention can know what an obstacle it can be, especially because we have so much compassion for teachers that do so much. And that has only grown here during COVID. These teachers that just are working their fingers to the bone, and adapting to the needs of their students that when when administration comes and say, here’s another curriculum that we need you to teach, sometimes the attitudes about that are not super excited and super supportive. And we know that buy in is so crucial, because when that buy in is there, it’s going to affect the way that they teach that program. We know that prevention programs, when they’re taught be grudgingly or with a chip on the shoulder, or raced through with the intention to check that off their list are not going to be as effective as if they’re passionate about what they’re doing, and the reasons behind it. So something that we did as a Communities That Care was applied the social development strategy, and we said, You know what, in all of our Tula City Schools every month, let’s find out from the administration, which teacher has made a difference with the second step curriculum. And then let’s give them some records, some positive recognition for that. These are all skilled, trained teachers. But as we applied that recognition, and all of these teachers were recognized in front of their classroom, they had a member of our prevention staff go in, give them a gift card, a fun prize, all their students could clap for the teacher. And then, and then we put this out on social media, the principals would often email all of the teachers in their school to recognize the teacher that was the second step teacher of the month. And then within that narrative, they would they were asked, How does the second step curriculum benefit your classroom. And they would say, you know, I’ve noticed ever since we’ve taught that lesson about how to make a good choice, that kids are working through the three steps, or ever since we’ve talked about working through feelings of anger, I’ve heard children coaching each other when they’re feeling frustrated in the classroom. And then you can see as other teachers are reading that, that they’re intrinsically creating this buy in for the curriculum, because of the recognition that’s there. And that literally helped to shift the climate in the schools around some of the school prevention programs. That district ended up liking this effort so much that they decided to take a district wide, even without the beyond the reach of the coalition. So a little bit of recognition can go a long ways. And I think usually we’re thinking in terms of students, but sometimes as we take the time to recognize teachers, then that comes back to help our students in really positive ways. Any other comments or ideas on how you’ve seen this work in schools? Put them in the chat, or come off me if you have any comments on the social development strategy within the school domain. The last domain we want to talk about is within the community itself. You know, and I spent some time thinking about like, what is the currency? What is our pay in, in prevention, you know, if we’re a private business, and we were selling widgets, our goal every year would be to sell more and more widgets and to create a greater demand for those So that our profits could go up. But our it’s important to remember that really the currency of prevention is to increase these positive protective factors that are insulating our youth. And and at the same time doing all we can to reduce those risk factors. So what can we do on a community wide level? Well, some of you have heard about this next one, but I’m going to highlight it anyway, out here into Willa for several years, and I’ve got to say it’s probably been 20 years now, maybe one or two less, or one or two more, they have done a mayor’s youth Recognition Award, I found this picture online. And it looks like it’s a little bit skull wampus. And they’re a little stretched, but kind of had a shuffle. If this was March 4 2020. A year ago, I think this was the last time that they could do this with this many kids without masks on. But for years and years, up to eight kids at every city council meeting were nominated by their teachers or administrators. And, and kind of the magic for this award is that this did not have to be those kids that were getting high academic marks, these kids were nominated on things like this student, always, if there’s a new student in our school takes the time to make that student feel comfortable. Or I saw this student stand up when somebody was bullying another student, or, hey, I’m nominating so and so because he always stays after school, and helps clean up the classroom after everybody has left. So they’re kind of like these intrinsic, just good human qualities. And what that did is it brought kids together, sometimes that were really popular, sometimes those that were feeling left out. And I had the opportunity when when I had this job to oftentimes call these parents, and especially for families where these kids, they just weren’t used to getting a lot of recognition in their family.

Mary Christa Smith
Any other questions for Heidi and you can also leave your comments in the chat as well. I see a lot of thanks for sharing and we’re so appreciative to you, Heidi, for sharing your wisdom once again. So lots of gratitude happening in the chat. Thanks, everybody. Just so you all know this will be posted to our website. It usually takes about a week and you can find it at CTC summit county.org. And if you look under the blog section, you’ll see a link so if you want to refer back to Heidi’s presentation or share it with your colleagues or other people in your community Anybody who you know will benefit from this resource, please know that that’s there and available. And we’re really grateful to you, Heidi for being here and sharing this important wisdom. And I again, you know, I need the reminders and I appreciate your stories that you use to make all of this content really relatable. So thank you for that.

Heidi Peterson Dutson
Thanks. It’s been a lot of fun and great to see all of you that are on here today. Great to be with you.

Mary Christa Smith
Take care. Thanks, everybody.